I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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