one two three fourrrrnication!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
