I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
