we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
