That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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