im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He did a backflip because drugs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
