dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
