I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
