i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
