I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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