The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
