I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
