those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
