My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
