can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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