I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
