whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
