I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They have beer where we have blood.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
