so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
