Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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