When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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