??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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