I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
