I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
