We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
