just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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