Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
