I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
