It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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