Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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