i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
