As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
