where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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