I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
