She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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