I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
high people should be assigned attendants
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
