Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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