If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
