Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
