I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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