I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
