if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
