you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
