I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
