my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
