I'm so fucking centered right now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
