my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You made out with two different species that night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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