I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
