It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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