she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
