12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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