Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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