Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
