i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
