i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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