Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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