i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this hospital has no fireball
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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