I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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