I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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