Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
