Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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