When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
