His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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