Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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