JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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