M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
