i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Couch. On fire.
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