the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
