Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
